09
Sep
09

eu am ras, va zic si voua.

extraoptiuni necesare pentru a intelege:

0. Experienta Politehnicii
1. Engleza
2. Matematica
3. Simtul umorului

Si-acum, va rog, gustati some delicious Copypasta:

———-

An physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all given the task of determining the volume of a little red ball.

The physicist says “This is too easy…” and fills a graduated cylinder with water, places the ball in the water, measures the displaced volume and reports the volume of the ball.

The mathematician responds “It’s even easier than that,” and derives an equation for the volume of a sphere as a function of its diameter, measure the diameter, and calculates the volume.

The engineer laughs and says “I’ve got you both beat” and pulls out a table of volumes of little red balls.

———-

An electron gets pulled over for speeding. The policeman walks up to the car and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” The electron replies, “No, but I know exactly where I am!”

———-

So Schrödinger is driving Heisenberg down the freeway, on their way to a conference, when all of a sudden there’s a loud Thump!, and Schrödinger swerves.

Heisenberg twists to see what’s on the roadway behind them, and says, “Oh my gosh, I think you hit a cat!”

Schrödinger replies, “Is it dead?”

To which Heisenberg answers, “I can’t be certain.”

———-

A physicist, an engineer and a mathemetician agree to take part in an experiment. Each person is locked in a room with nothing but a single can of beans.

After three days the researchers open each door in turn. In the first room they find the physicist happily scrawling equations across a wall, and the can of beans is neatly popped open. They ask him how he opened the can and he says “Oh I applied pressure to the stress points”.

They take their notes and move on to the next room, where the engineer is snoring in a corner. The can is lying beside him, a smashed pile of metal. They wake him and ask him how he opened the can, to which he replies “I battered it to it’s failure point.

Finally, they open the third door. There they find the mathematician holding the can, rocking back and forth, and muttering, “Assume the can is open. Assume the can is open.”

———-

Descartes is sitting in a bar. The barkeep asks, “another one, Rene?”

“I think not,” replies he — and POOF!, disappears.

———-

Q.How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.One, he gives it to a Psychiatrist hereby reducing the problem to another joke.

———-

(e^x) is walking down the street, when he runs into (7), who has a crazed, fearful look in her eye. “(e^x)!” screams (7), “You have to run! All the numbers are running. A differential is coming… we’ll all be turned to nothing!” (e^x) barely responds, “Pff, baby, I’m (e^x), differentials don’t change me, I’m my own derivative.” (7) keeps running. More numbers pass by urging (e^x) to flee. He pays no mind.

Suddenly, the differential turns the corner. With a smirk on his face, (e^x) is ready for it.

But No! His face turns to horror. Standing before him is (dy/dz).

———-

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are contracted by a farmer to build a fence for his sheep. Whichever one builds the smallest fence will win the contract.

The engineer goes first. He count the sheep and calculates the average size of a sheep, and builds a circular fence large enough to hold all of them. The farmer is quite impressed.

The physicist goes next. He explains to the farmer that he will a circular fence of infinite radius, and then contract it until it cannot contract any further, thereby creating the smallest possible circular fence around the sheep. The farmer is a little skeptical, but likes the idea.

The mathematician goes last. He notices a couple yards of scrap fence on the ground leftover from the engineer’s attempt. He picks it up, wraps it around himself clockwise and says “I declare myself to be outside”.

———-

Three statisticians are at an archery range. The first shoots at the target and misses 10 meters to the left. The second misses 10 meters to the right. The third starts jumping up and down yelling “I hit it!.”

———-

Welcome to the Entropy Cafe, may I take your order?

———-

Poles in engleza inseamna si poli si Polonezi.

There’s a group of Polish aerospace engineers touring Europe and flying into Paris for a convention. As they fly over the French capitol, all the engineers lean over to one side of the plane to get a better view of the Eiffel Tower. The plane promptly goes into a tailspin and crashes, killing them all.

The problem was that there were too many Poles on the right side of the plane.

———-

Mathematical puns are the first sine of madness.

———-

Q: What do you call a parrot that hasn’t eaten?

A: Polly-no-mial.

———-

What’s purple and commutes? An abelian grape.

———-

A bar walks into a communative algebraist.

———-

One day, President Bush is listening to daily Iraq War briefing. Towards the end, one of the generals mentions that two Brazilian soldiers were killed.

Bush’s eyes go wide and his lip quivers; after a moment he asks, “My God, how many millions are there in a Brazillion?


2 Responses to “eu am ras, va zic si voua.”


  1. November 9, 2009 at 0:13

    de unde le-ai scos pe-astea?
    poate ca ai dat peste ele cand invatzai pentru physics exam :))


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